“You may restrain my body and you may tear my guts out, do anything you wish, but I am still me and you can’t take that. You can kill the ego, you can kill the pride, you can kill the want, the desire of a human being. You can lock him in a cell and you can knock his teeth out and smash his brain, but you cannot kill the soul. You never could kill the soul. It’s always there, the beginning and the end. you cannot stop it, it’s bigger than me.” -Charles Manson.
It’s was easier before…town was dry. Guess theyre big again. Got offered a bunch…said no.
But truely all I want is to take all the fucking pills in the world. Never feel again. Just drown in thoughts I wot remember thinking. It’s hard to not love it. And I swear It as the only thin that loved me back
Sooo about a week ago i was txting A friend telling him how much i miss Liam and how he’s the whole reason i’ve been off pills. Btw 8months auguest 10th. It’s like Liam can read my mind…or maybe, now i know he needed me too. He re-added me on facebook like the day after i was telling my friend this and inboxed me and we started txting again. I toldh im how long i’ve been off pills. He said he was proud of me<3 He said he missed me more than i could know. All summer i’ve been fighting off to do them and now i know why, now i remember why i stuck it out this long.
Because yes i know your heart is breaking baby, but i’ll love you even after it stops beating. You are the reason i am who i am today and why i came clean and gave up that life. I love you Liam De Bruin, and we’ll go insane together.
I dumped Jason a while ago, i couldn’t deal with him expecting me to be perfect to be something i’m not. I started smoking again and god it’s never felt better. But i fear a part of me has been damaged in all of this i fear my ability to love has been warped and now i feel that heart stopping, choking on your words, butterfly concocting feeling for a man(yeah he’s 19nbd) but it scares me, it’s scary to try with him even when i thought my heart would beat out of my chest when he grabbed for my hand, when he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek, just the way he looked at me made me wanna never leave. He kissed me and i knew i was in to deep to walk away. It isn’t fair i was so afraid and now i’ve let myself feel this i’ve decided to attempt at this but it feels so much harder than these things used to be.
Just take me out to pasture and shoot me? Hang the noose around my neck and push me?
I want him to like my back, but i fear falling backwards as a result.
I wish that i still didn’t have to deal with all those ppl who judge you for everything you’ve done, who blame you for it, who don’t take the time to understand what could have led you there. People need to grow up and see the world isn’t perfect and sometimes it hurts, sometimes it hurts some ppl more than others and we’re pushed into a solution whether it’s effective or not. Even my own boyfriend, he cares but sometimes i just wish…I just wish he’d be the one passing me another ciggarette.